I have Lost My Way?

Lord why am I feeling like I am.

I have lost my way?

I don’t know which way to go.

I am searching for feelings,

And answers that I know are within my reach.

I just can’t find the words or thoughts.

I need to Jump but which way? I don’t know!

Is it that I feel comfortable with you?

Walking the same paths doing the same old things,

Never reaching out for your hand to guide me?

I know that I catch glimpses of you calling to me;

But I never follow you, am I afraid?

I hold back from you and hesitating,

Am I worthy of you love?

At least this is what I try and tell myself,

I don’t want to know your truth.

Lord why am I feeling like I am.

I have lost my way?

I don’t know which way to go.

I am searching for feelings,

And answers that I know are within my reach.

I just can’t find the words or thoughts.

I need to Jump but which way? I don’t know!

So I pile up my life like a wall piece by piece,

Never letting any one know how I really feel, keeping myself apart.

Except that this wall also stops me from moving forward.

Walking down new paths and experiencing new things.

I pile up my life like a wall piece by piece and build a house.

And pull all that I hold dear to my side to keep them safe.

Am I holding them back too?

No one can get in or out, nothing moving but safe.

So I sit on the floor in my house full of tears waiting for you Lord.

Lord why am I feeling like I am.

I have lost my way?

I don’t know which way to go.

I am searching for feelings,

And answers that I know are within my reach.

I just can’t find the words or thoughts.

I need to Jump but which way? I don’t know!

How my soul just cries to everyone to help me get up off the floor.

When I think about you Lord and how we used to be together;

The paths that we walked and the things that we have done I find
new hope.

I look for you in my despair and you are there calling to me with arms open.

You give me strength to face the world afresh.

I am not holding back now I let you in I open my door to you.

And with new found strength,

I slowly begin to remove the walls that surround me.

And make new paths with you, to walk in your ways.

Lord I had lost my way?

I don’t know which way to go.

I searched for feelings,

And found answers that I know are within my reach.

I found the words and the thoughts.

I needed to Jump and I jumped your way.

And when I realize and look inside myself,

I find that it was me and my pride that has been holding me back.

Pride that doesn’t want to follow your ways

Or to take your gifts that will set me free.

Feelings of no worth that were eating away at me.

I am strengthened and renew my trust in you.

And I start to realize the gifts and riches that you offer,

I am moved to do nothing else but to accept them and walk with you.

Amen.

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17 thoughts on “I have Lost My Way?

  1. When I was a child I had someone who guided me. Becky is gone now. When I tried to go back to the church before she passed I was off roaded by my sin’s and pride from another brother that was as lost as I was by a fight. From embarassment of what I become I left the church. I thought that I could Have my own personel relations with our lord. I was a fool… I’m drunk as a skunk now. Im a sinner. I know this yet I go on. I have a family. 2 boys and my wife. I have bills. I have my guitenes. I have my moments of when I feel I have control to better control my life but my addictions get the better of me. my wife and children deserve better than what I give them. Im an asshole and I know that this is not my way. At times I feel as though I have whispers. Voices that tell me its okay to go and grab that drink. Its okay to have a line. My addictions I cant hide from. When I have them I feel great but a few hours afer I have thoughts of ending my life. But its not me. I dont want to suffer 4 eternity. Are we in tribulation? Why am I so scared to go back to my God? Why is it when others try to help me I cower. Why is it when the lord wants to speak with me through other I tremble? Why when I read the bible everything seems to be in code? How can I get the lord to help me if I’m so weak? Between alcohol, meth, and women I cant seem to find another way. I’m embarrased, feeling out of control, and lost. How can God help me If im unsure and lost? I wish I wern’t stubborn. I feel like I have to be led yet I dont let anyone lead me. I’t almost maddening. Im in a fish bowl sinking to the bottom of the ocean with no Ideal how to get out. Im a nutt case but any word will help…

    1. Julio,

      It’s 6 yrs. later than when you wrote this in 2008. I just tonight saw your message and am praying for you. I’m a divorced man with my own problems, and I can empathize with you.

      Chris

  2. I have truly fallen by the wayside. I cannot find a way to have peace in my life. I have tried Jesus, alcohol, sex and nothing seems to help. I recently just got a DUI in July. It has truly destroyed my life. I lost my job, my license for nine months and it has cost me over $4000.00. I have never in my life thought about the easy way out but lately it has been creeping in. It is scaring me. My wife separated in May and that is not looking good either. Counseling has been a waste of time. I have used every excuse I can think of for the choices I am making and I know that each one is just that, an excuse. It gets me no where. If any body out there has any suggestions on how peace can be found please let me know.

    1. I am an alcoholic, but I haven’t drank in over 4 years. I prayed for death every night, I worked a crappy and degrading job, and was totally alone. I had plenty of acquaintances, but no friends. I don’t know what happened to me, but I tried AA — it worked. Sobriety sucked hard the first year or so. If I might make a suggestion, try a meeting, find someone who is clearheaded, stable-minded, and has their personal life in order. Ask that person to sponsor you and go to that person regularly for advice.

      For me it was the start of an amazing journey, one that took me to really unexpected places in my life. Life is not gumdrops and lollipops all the time for me. I recently had some really big life changes (voluntary and for the good), but it’s really kinda rattling right now. Things aren’t perfect, but they are a hell of a lot better than they used to be!

  3. Change your way of living,find a better set of rules,stop being influenced by fools.
    Lena, wife: Sometimes it is so hard to see life as a precious gift. Please try to focus on the things in your life that are positive, even the small ones. You may have friends, good health, mayby you are a young person, then life’s ahead of you, anything might happen. Try to see this phase as a beginning – not an end. Just give life a chance, you might just see things differently a little time from now. I wish you all the best!

  4. i have been feeling like this for at least half a year, i would have never in my life thought that one can lose there way this far, i try to call out to God and he sometimes gives me tremendous respite, but it seems hypocritical because i have such bad thoughts that i wish some people to go to hell and that i am superior to others and i have such pride, maybe im hiding something in my conscience. i wish God would reveal it to me. i feel so lost and i go back and fourth in my head but ultimately it seems my life is getting worse day by day.

    1. Dear poman,

      “If we confess our sins to Him (Christ Jesus), He is faithful to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I’m glad that we can speak about anything to Him because He already knows it anyway–and still loves us. So if we continue in the Word with Him, in spite of our difficulties, our lives will get better day by day–even though we might have some “down days.” I pray for you.

      Chris

  5. I’ve lost my purpose in life – or maybe I never had one. I was raised as a Christian and now consider myself to be a former believer in God. I started to question my faith during adolescence – maybe just to see if it was really there – I guess it wasn’t. I still live a generally Christian lifestyle, I just dont have faith that there’s a God behind it all – I hope there is. I’ve been asking God to show himself to me for most of my life. Why doesn’t he appear to me? I guess I’m just a doubting Thomas, but I so envy Paul on the road to Damascus – shown in clear terms that God is there and what he wanted for him. Why did he make his existence so clear to so few and leave the rest of us in the dark?

    1. Searcher,

      I understand exactly where you are coming from. I try to live my faith, but at times thoughts will fly through my mind such as: “You know you are a fool. You know your words (in prayer) are just spoken into thin air. No God hears. Think of all your prayers unanswered.” And then I remind myself that I cannot know all the answers to prayers and that God answers in His own way and time, and that at times the answer is no.” And then I remind myself that God is greater than I am and, of course, I cannot comprehend Him. And one of the reasons I believe in the existence of God is the ontological argument that the very fact that mankind conceives the idea of God is one of the proofs of God’s being. I pray for you.

      Chris

  6. This is exactly what I needed right now life gets hard and sometimes I feel so lost I do.t think ill make it but hey I wake everyday day after day that has to mean something

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